* Too serious too soon ...

I'm sitting in my room with a wrenched heart. My mind is deep in thought, as I hear songs (eg. Too Serious Too Soon, So Yesterday ) in the radio. These songs might be used to describe one when he / she is in a heartbroken feeling, and it only fits what is going through on the surface of my heart. I'm not too sure if I'm doing the right thing by writing this down, but this is what I feel right now.

This piece of entry is based on the reflections I have of my year, though it has yet to finish. However, I'm writing what has happened in the past, and I hope that maybe one day I maybe able to look back and say,' Boy, that was one nice memory.'

I was inspired to write this piece after some deep thinking, and some mixed feelings that I have in my heart. I have some proud moments, but some lingering guilt in me. The only way to confess these 'sins' is to say them out I suppose. The reason is simply because I believe I have to put these things in the right perspective.

First, I have to confess some big sins, big enough to be crimes. These sins are done to some people, and these people have cared about me in a way or another, directly or indirectly. This results in being too high-handed, and too egotistical. I thought my way was right, and did a couple of things that shocked you out of your wits.

To my mother, sorry. I have let you down in a lot of ways. Maybe I have not been able to hear and understand clearly what you have repeatedly said, but I guess being myself, I only knew it now. I have missed the chance to repent my mis-deeds, or to undo my wrong doings. I guess being the eldest son of this family have a lot of bearing, and a lot of things to do, and to see to it. I'm trying to be more open about things and more communicative. That is what I'll must achieve in the future, and this is my promise.

To my dad, who have the ultimate right to be strict and disciplined, you are my idol. Not many people can live up to your reputation, lest your son here. I'll try to be more disciplined about things, and more understanding about life outside. It's tough out there, and I believe it will be hard to survive, but I will.

To my siblings, who are the precious people in my life, you are the people who I am assigned the task to lead. Yes, to lead you all in the right direction, which I will. I will try to help you, and help you I will. You all are too precious for me to waste, and I will guard you all.

To Jacqueline, I apologise over the countless of mistakes I have done to you in the past. The only thing I ask is for your forgiveness in replying me just in a single email or sms. I will treasure you as part of my memory, the beautiful times we had.

To Edwina, my best friend, I will treat you very close, and hope you will treat me likewise. I will be attending your party, and I promise to make you happy. Very happy indeed. Just smile for me. Can you?

To Christine, I hope someday down the lane you will change your mind over my question, because I wish it was so. I prefer to remain as friends and not anything else. Yeah, I was stupid and crazy, but, sincerely speaking, I wish we would remain as friends.

To other people who I have not named above, I apolgise in whatever mistakes I have committed, and wish for major forgiveness. I have changed, and I wished it will be for better, not for worse.

*WAIT* ....

I AM GOING TO WAIT. I DON'T CARE. I FEEL A BURNING SENSATION INSIDE OF ME, AND IT HURTS. IT HURTS !!! ALL BECAUSE I HAVE DONE A STUPID IMMATURE MISTAKE. STUPID MISTAKE. REALLY STUPID MISTAKE. CAN YOU JUST WAIT FOR A MOMENT ?

Pal, guess the best that I can do is to wait. To be a best friend to you that's all.

Back from gold coast ... ~Yeah

I'm back from gold coast and I'm feeling over the moon. 6 days of non-stop R & R, where I was in paradise. (Not to mention I was living in Surfer's Paradise.) Yeah, gold coast was fun, and I really missed the place there.

Okay, just to inform you what we did. Simple, I went to Movie World, Sea World, and a BIG SHOPPING MALL, Pacific Fair. Quite nice, quite pretty, and that's where i I got majority of my stuff for certain people. Nice it was, it was just simply paradise. Dolphins, BUGS BUNNY, DAFFY DUCK, sea lions, Roller Coaster Rides, etc etc. It was beyond imagination.

Okay, in gold coast, I did some serious thinking. Maybe I was heading in a wrong direction in Singapore. Maybe I was too muddle-headed. Maybe I was too artificial. Thus, I did some kick-ass ( In Australia, this word is normal ) thinking. I wrote these few things down.

The few things I need to change : ( IN ORDER OF PRIORITY )

* Studies. It is very important, due to the fact that I have slacked too much. I could have done better, but I have achieved only what I have put in. You reap only what you sow, and this can never be truer. Studies is the only thing that more than 98 % of the people can excel in it, and since I have done it once, I can do it again.

* Self. My outer self have to change, and I'm trying. Hard, maybe, but I'll try. My inner self, is undergoing a huge change, so you might be expecting a new me.

In Deep Thoughts...

After a whole 2 days of non-stop thinking, I have came up with these statements :-

* The world is definitely unfair.
* People are biased.
* You only can change your own thinking.

Then I came up with a huge list of promises. The list goes..

* Concentrate on studies. Fully.
* No *dirty* thoughts or things that lead to that.
* No thinking of copulation / menage a trois.
* Girls are different, no point chasing them now.
* Rest & Relax during holiday.
* Smile more.
* Be yourself.
* Exercise.

Well, these are the main ones, so ... You guys want to help me? Add in my comments box... Thanks. =)

Current Mood ~ Dreamy.

I have been in a dreamy mood today. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or after a bad dose of cough mixture. I don't know, but right now I am dreamy and hearing the song ~ 'Can't take my eyes off you'.

I went back to school for Physics and Chemistry lessons. Pity 3E3 people, they have to carry their chairs to my class for joined chemistry lessons. It was supposed to be held at the AVA room, but it was booked by someone else. ~Too bad.

Funny, I always can think what the teachers are thinking. For example, I was thinking that I would be chosen to answer a question on the board, and he said my index number right there and then. Telephetic ? Or what ? (shrugs)

I'm getting better and better at Tai Ti, a card game. Well, out of 6 games, I won 2? Maybe it was luck. Pure luck. I don't know. Luck, as you call it, is too mystical. Better stick to the old saying of 'Luck comes only if you are hardworking.' Well, maybe.

Lately, I have been thinking of someone. I don't know that person will ever know, but the more I think about it, I can't pull that person out of my mind. Well, I don't think that person will ever know. I better keep it that way then. (sigh)

Bye blog.

Holidays. Are they really holidays?

Holidays are initialized by 2 letters, R & R. Rest and relaxation, the two words that equals holidays. However, word is going around in my school that with tons and tons of work and no end to supplementary lessons. What is holiday, when you have this jind of schedule?

Well, take yesterday for example. The whole of Secondary 3 Express was supposed to attend lessons in school at 8am in the morning. Our class, was to merge with Sec 3e1 for Social Studies lessons. We were all tired by the end of the 2 hours of Social Studies as it was heavy. Then we had a break of 30 minutes, before going into another 3 whole hours of Physics and Chinese lessons. Good right?

Oh, if it helps, I had a new haircut ! Nice, right ? Well, I will be putting my pictures on the internet, so for easier access for you guys out there.

I fell sick yesterday, due to some stuffy air at the tuition centre, I had to take two pills of Panadol. Wonders of Panadol, it made me so dizzy until I fell asleep early, and woke up really refreshed.

Feeling refrershed now, I'm going to do some things. ~Adios !

Relationships. The meaning about it.

I am writing this piece of statement due to the enormous amount of thinking I have gone through over the last few days. I will not know if I will be hurting anyone in this piece, but I will be writing this piece anyway.

Relationships. I am talking about what a boy and a girl comes together and recognise each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Not the other family, or social relationship. The *love* relationship.

I have no objection on what other people think of this relationship, but after going through two relationships, I have decided to stop. Yes, stop at least till after 'O'-level. And no chasing skirts. Just a mutual relationship. Let me tell you why.

The first relationship I had was with a girl I knew from secondary. Although she didn't strike me as pretty during that year, she has grown into a swan in Secondary 3. She was having a problem, and during the days that I chatted with her, it turned into something more different. It became love.

She was all ready for it, and I was like the Gladiator. Yes, the word is Gladiator. I prompted her to break up with her current love, due to the fact that he was hurting her more than anything else.

It was beautiful when it lasted. We chatted a lot, and we were deeply in love. No one knew we in this relationship, but it was fun. Different schools, different backgrounds, different people, but united and entwined under the Cupid God.

But due to a lot of consequences, I initiated the break-up. I wanted more on my studies, and she was the same too. We had to break apart after this, but not under the most painful circumstances.

Yes, I was still loving her, but priorities are priorities. I had to study, and she had to. To that girl, who might / might not read this piece, I am still thinking of you.

Then came a time of inactivity. Yes, I was single once, and during that time, I was feeling okay, after recovering from this relationship. I was not that mature in the first one, and I didn't want to hurt anyone any longer. Any longer.

Then came the second relationship. This time around, the feeling was mutual. She liked me, and I liked her. It was only a matter of time whether who asked first. I did.

We went on a whirlwind relationship, and we were extremely happy. We were all very very happy, and we were deeply in love. Smiling all day, we were almost mistaken as a lunatic couple at times. That was how happy and loving we were.

However, the exam period came. It was a period of little communication. LITTLE. We rarely talked and she sensed a different part of me. A whole new different part to me. And she wanted out. I could sensed it, due to her quietness. I was also to be blamed on certain things, but I am sad that things have to be gone this way.

I was heart-broken. Anyway, I left under a different light, different from what we first met. Thus from this I formed a BIG conclusion.

I formed the conclusion that girls needs a lot of attention. And I mean a lot. They need constant attention from the males, and thus feel insecure. They are a distraction to studies, because lets admit guys, we are NOT multi-tasking people. We cannot concentrate on two things simultaneously. We need to concentrate our studies. Really.

The last thing is that I want to say something. To a certain girl, I treat you like a sister. Well, a very close sister. I wish that we are somewhat closer, and not you having this sense of me *liking* you. Okay ? Thanks.